HAVING FAITH . . . and hoping for the best!!!

I am not doing so good weight wise . . . 😦 I don’t even want to weigh myself. 😦 I think I have gained at least 20 pounds in the last couple weeks and I feel horrible on top of it. Sluggish, out of breath, full, sick, you name it, I feel it!

My son has been going for tests. He has been having intestinal issues since the middle of July, non stop. We are hoping it is something minor, but both my husband and I have  a lot of gastrointestinal diseases in our families, so we are keeping our faith that all will work out ok. He is finally going to the specialist tomorrow which we are happy about, maybe now they can put a name to it and we can work on getting it under control. He has been a trooper though. He never missed a day of school or work and I am sure it hasn’t been the most comfortable of months for him. He doesn’t complain and when I ask him 20 questions (every day), he answers over and over again without frustration. I am literally driving him crazy with questions, making him eat certain foods, etc and he humors me every single time. 🙂

I found myself stressing in a very different way this time and it was through food??? I don’t usually eat when I am stressed. I normally don’t bother with food. I eat when I am bored. I haven’t stopped eating, you name it whether I like it or not, whether I am hungry or not, it is going in to my mouth 24/7. I can’t use this as an excuse . . . I should have control. There are a lot of stressful things in life and I have to find a way to deal with them without over eating. No more excuses from this moment on. Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.

And keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow brings good news. Hoping if it has to be something that it is IBS or just an irritated bowel from the antibiotics he was on.  🙂 Hoping for the best . . .

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ALIVE AND WELL :) . . . Part 1 (my summer journey)

Hope everyone’s summer went well. Can’t believe it is already over . . . My summer was extremely busy, but in a good way. 🙂 I have so many updates to post as I haven’t been on for some time now. Which means I have not been on top of  what my blogger friends have been up to, so I will be trying to get caught up over the next little while. I have missed everyone and hope that all is good  . . . looking forward to getting reconnected 🙂

It has been a year since I have been on this journey and I am happy to say there have been some ups and downs, but there have been more ups than downs, so I am making progress. This journey has been one I will never forget and it has a lot to do with not only my family and friends, but also my blogger friends as well, so thank you all very much . . .

My weight has remained the same, up and down over the summer 3-5 pounds. I allowed myself a stress free summer to see how it would go and I must say, it went well, but did tend to binge at least once a week if not two and I never did that before. I think it is because I am restricting myself too much. I need to work on allowing myself  bits every day, so I won’t gorge all at once. Having bits a day still works out to be far less than bingeing for  1-2 days and is a lot healthier. So this is my goal over the next month . . . allow myself  a little bit here and there within reason and avoid the bingeing. 🙂

I just celebrated another birthday last month and felt really good. I am (knock on wood) happy with where I am right now and hope it continues. It has been a long time since I could look at myself in the mirror without cringing or just not looking. I want to thank my family again for being so supportive, without them, I don’t know where I would be.

My extended family has not bothered me about my weight loss recently. Probably because I haven’t lost any more. I am sure when I get back on track and get started on my next goal of loosing my last  36 pounds that I will hear the grumbling, but this time I will be prepared and handle it in a totally different way! A much more positive and productive way! Bring it on, I am ready lol!

For those of you who were following the saga revolving around my son and his girlfriend, I am happy to say all worked out for the better. (knock on wood)They are really good friends and have not put aside possibly getting back together in the far future. They are both focusing on school and hanging freely with their friends which is what I think they should be doing. They were both too young to be in such a serious relationship for so long. My son is enjoying his time with friends, meeting new people and having a blast. He still misses her, but knows that this is what he should be doing before he settles down with anyone. His words to me one day were “mom, I found the girl of my dreams, but at the wrong time in my life”  “Too bad we couldn’t have met in 2-3 years from now!”  I love this guy! They still go out for coffee etc every now and then and that makes him happy. If he can’t have her in his life as a girlfriend, he is happy that they can at least still be friends. So here is to living your life to its fullest with no regrets when your young and to finding the right person to settle down with later on when the time is right! 😉

HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE SO MUCH IT HURTS LIKE HELL? Do tell . . .

As I mentioned in my previous post my son has just broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years. They got along very well, she fit in with the family nicely. There were a few things, as no one is perfect, but we just thought it would come with maturity. Now it is over and how do I help him cope and move on when she keeps texting him like nothing has happened, like they are best friends and his heart hasn’t just been ripped out of his chest?

I feel like the worst mom at this point. I wish I could do more for him than just listen, give him hugs and reassurance.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it go away, but I know that this is a part of life and it will only make him stronger. Is this enough, or could I be doing more?

If you have any advice or stories you would like to share, please do share as I could use all the advice I can get. I met my husband at 17, married him at 21 and have been with him for almost 26 years. I have never had to deal with that kind of heartbreak. I need help to help him . . .

LONG WEEKEND . . . good company, good weather, heartbreak, oh my ;(

Had an amazing long weekend with my husband and daughter. Missed my son though. 😦 He was supposed to come up with his girlfriend of 2 years, but they broke up a couple of weeks ago and he wasn’t feeling up to going to the place where they camped together, too many memories. He chose Sherkston with friends instead and had a great time. 🙂 As long as he had some peace from this whole ordeal even for a few hours, I didn’t mind him not being with us. I really don’t know what to do or say to him. I met my husband at 17 and married him, so I never really had to deal with that kind of heartbreak. I wish I knew how to help him. It tares me up inside to see him hurting so much. Thankful that his friends have been so supportive and helpful, he is very lucky and he does open up and talk to my husband, daughter and I which is good. Trying to keep him talking and focused on school and work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Love truly does hurt 😦

His weekend went well. Met a bunch of people. He actually turned his phone off so he wouldn’t have to deal with anything this weekend and it worked. He had lots of stories to tell, but you could still see that he would be deep in thought every now and then. He finds it too hard when she texts him. . .  he wants to remain friends, but is not sure he can do that right now and now he has to see her every day at work. 😦 He doesn’t understand why she wanted a “mini breakup”, but still wants to know where he is going, what he is doing and still remain in a relationship on their face book status’. She keeps saying that they will probably get back together some day, whats that all about? He feels if they are broken up that that should be exactly the way it is broken up. She keeps playing with his head and he can’t deal with it. I hope he can keep it together. So finger crossed that he gets through this in as positive a way as one can and everything works out the way it is suppose to.

Our weekend was hot, but nice. Lots of walking, but lots of eating as well. I wasn’t really prepared for my way of eating, too preoccupied and before I knew it, it was time to go. So as they say plan to fail if you fail to plan and that is exactly what happened. So now I am up 10 pounds which I am hoping is mostly water, but I know it isn’t.  😉 I am surprisingly not all distraught about it, because I feel if I want to get back on track, I will. So here is to a week of focus and determination . . .

WEIGH IN . . . I am back in the game!

Finally took everyone’s advice and made an appointment to start my monthly “weight dr.” visits up again. Although he really doesn’t do anything except weigh me, for some reason I do better knowing I have to see him every month, so if this is what I need to do than that is what I will do.

My first visit back in 2 months wasn’t so bad actually I had to see a different Dr and wasn’t sure how that would go, but I loved it. He talked to me, yes he actually talked to me aside from saying to drink more water and exercise he actually talked to me!!! Not only that he was pleasant too. He asked me if I had any challenges and when I told him what they were, he helped me understand them and gave me ways to help resolve them. WOW! Now, that I would come back every month for with smiles.

So, I am back to the weight I was at my last visit minus 2 more pounds 🙂 I am now at 175 and think that I am in this for the long haul. I am back in the game so to speak . . . Thanks again for all the great advice 🙂

After my visit we went for a long Mother’s Day walk by the river with my family. What a gorgeous  day. It was so nice and relaxing.  🙂 Then we went to the in-laws for dinner. 🙂

Saturday we got the yard almost all cleaned and new bushes planted. It looks more inviting now. My husband made the cutest little sand box for the little ones to play in when they are here and they love it. Heck, I love it . . .  any excuse I can use to be a kid . . . I use it! 😉 It was nice to spend time with my daughter in the yard, she enjoys gardening just as much as I do. My son, well, he helps, but doesn’t have the passion we do and that is ok!

Over all I must say I was dreading the weekend because of my visit and it turned out to be a very lovely one.

2K RUN . . . couldn’t ask for a better day!

Yesterday was the 2k run that my daughter, son, his girlfriend and I had been looking forward to  for a couple of months now. We were all dreading it the day of for some reason (anticipating the worst I guess) . . . when we finally got to the start line which we arrived waaaay too early as we always do 😉 we decided to sit on the rocks by the lake, skip a few rocks, enjoy each others company and the beautiful day that we were blessed with. With the sun beating on our faces we some how forgot about the nerves we previously had. It was a nice start to what would later turn out to be a perfect day. The only thing missing was my husband who unfortunately had  to get on a different bus to go to the finish line where he would be cheering us on and holding a sign that would make  me melt . . .  If I wasn’t out of breath, getting ready to cross the finish line and I could have gotten to him, I would have left the race,  run over and given him a huge hug and kiss . . . Gosh, I love that man!

Any way, I am getting ahead of myself here . . . back to the starting line. See that man always makes me forget what I am doing. 😉 Now, so you know, we had decided ahead of time that everyone would go off and do their personal best and not worry about who was behind. We would all meet up at the finish line. We  all line  up and anxiously wait our turn and the butterflies start to turn in our stomachs. 10-9-8-7-6-5 the count down begins, then the signal goes off and there is a mad dash. My son and his girlfriend went on ahead, but my daughter who has participated in several running events and has placed top 5 in most and came in second in one of them, well, she is still beside me, why? So I say to her with what breath I have left,  go on ahead, I am fine, to which she reply’s  I want to stay with you! Now, I know she is very competitive and would really like to beat her previous time or  even her brother, but she won’t leave my side, so I say one more time for her to go and reassure her that I won’t mind and she starts crying and says mom! I have done many of these, I want to stay with you and then I start crying . . . crying and running, not a good mix so we stop and I hug her and tell her how much it means to me and off we go again. It was a very special moment.

I am proud to say that we were only 5 minutes behind my son and his girlfriend or so they say, I thought it seemed much longer, but none the less I crossed the finish line before they moved the end runners onto the sidewalk lol! I only stopped to walk twice and only for a short time. Crossing the finish line with my daughter saying you can do it mom, we are almost there (I was ready to stop and walk at that point) and seeing my son, his girlfriend cheering and my husband holding the sign (ahhh, the sign ;)) and cheering for us was incredible. 🙂 A feeling I will never forget. I high-fived my daughter and said we did it and I started to cry again like a blubbering idiot and hugged my daughter again and told her how much I appreciated her staying with me and if it wasn’t for her encouraging me, I would have still been out there. We received our medals and they would remain on our necks for the rest of the day, we earned it my son’s girlfriend said! 😉 AND that sign, ohh that sign  my husband was holding meant sooo much to me, so after I congratulated my kids, and found my husband, I ran to give him a huge hug and kiss. Then off we went for ice cream (I had water :)) but enjoyed watching them laughing and enjoying the day, much better than ice cream don’t you think?

As you know I have had an interesting time lately with people not supporting me and I let them get me down and yesterday it was all put in perspective again. This is what it is all about, this is truly what matters in the end and that is what I will be focusing on from now on.

So thank you once again to my family and blogger friends for helping me see things much more clearly 🙂 And that sign and our medals are all still hanging in our living room where they will be for a long time 😉

APRIL WEIGH IN . . . on a downward spiral!

Weighed in and I am at 184.6.  Gained again. 😦  I can’t seem to get out of this slump. Lost all that I learned the past year and for some reason don’t think I can do this on my own. You see I stopped going to my “weight Dr.” because I felt that I was losing the weight he wanted me to so he wouldn’t get upset with me when I weighed in. Now I am having a hard time holding myself accountable and I feel like it is too late to go back to him because I will never be able to catch up to where he expects me to be at this point in time. I am very disappointed with myself for letting others get to me to the point that I just stopped trying 100%. I am a bit depressed about that and I think that is why I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. I need to do this for me. I need to stop worrying about others and what they think. I hope it isn’t too late to get back on track. I need to stop worrying about where I should be and start fresh where I am and progress from there. I can’t keep going to the Dr. for the rest of my life. I need to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to what I know works and what is in my best interest. So sad and disappointing to be writing my weight again for April, but I am hoping for a better number for May. Thanks for listening! 😉

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