STRUGGLING . . .

Don’t get it, I can’t get my head back in the game. I haven’t given up, but my will power has some how disappeared. It is midnight, way past my bed time and I can’t sleep thinking about it. I don’t want to go back to being the “fat ” one. How do I continue making this my lifestyle when I keep changing for other people?

I am doing good until I have to go visit someone or they come visit me. See, they, for some reason think that I am going to go overboard with my new way of life and I have to hear comments like your losing too much weight, better watch it you may become anorexic, you must be starving yourself, you have to be taking some kind of pill, don’t lose too much weight, I am glad you found something that works, but I wouldn’t lose more than . . . what your not going to eat that? Come on eat it!!!

Just so I don’t have to hear it, I eat like they want or expect me to when I am around them and then I get to craving those foods again and I have to start over retraining my brain and body, not to mention I feel horrible with myself for letting them get to me that way. I find it gets harder and harder to have to start over each time. What hurts the most is now the one person besides my husband and kids that I had supporting me is now behaving the same way towards me. I guess everyone was OK when they thought it was a phase, but now that it is coming off and staying off, people are starting to pull away. Why?

I am not one of those people who talks about my weight and what I eat, what they should eat. I swore I wouldn’t be one of “those” people. As a matter of fact I try to avoid the topic as much as possible. I was even told by someone close to me that I make certain people in our group upset when they see me. That hurt a lot, how does just seeing me hurt someone else? How do I find the power not to care what others think and do what is best for me ~ after all I know me best RIGHT? It’s funny how people are, why does their opinion matter so much. Dealing with people was easier when I was the heavier one in the group and I don’t understand that. I am the same person on the inside as I always was the only thing that has changed is my shell. I am still self conscious, I still wear larger clothes, I still have 30 pounds to lose, so I don’t in any way look or act like a run way model . . .

I am struggling in so many ways, it hardly seems worth it, but then there is my family always there to pick me up and remind me why I am doing this and what is truly important, so I guess I will keep plugging away . . . this is about me and no one else πŸ˜‰

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Healthy Runner Wife
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 01:00:26

    I am so sorry that you are going through this with friends and family. I totally understand, I had the same problem with people supporting me in the beginning and then when the weight was coming off and staying off I got the comments about not losing too much, or I didn’t eat enough or I should eat this/that crappy food. It is a hard battle. This part of the weight loss journey is what makes you a strong, confident woman. The reason people are saying these things is because they are jealous that you have it all figured out. I believe in you! Keep working out and eating healthy! The benefits for yourself are much greater and just blow off the comments from others! If you need a friend to talk to you can always email me or find me on Facebook, levers603@gmail.com or @Healthy Runner Wife. Remember, YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE CONFIDENT AND YOU KICK BUTT!

    Reply

    • free2bme123
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 09:12:58

      Thank you so much, I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I am trying really hard to let it go, I guess I just thought everyone would be happy for me that I was getting healthy and it hurt to know that they weren’t or didn’t seem to be. Thanks again I appreciate the kind and inspiring words and I may just take you up on that. I extend the same back to you if you ever need to talk. luvmymirrorimage@gmail.com

      Reply

  2. Indi
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 03:10:46

    Hello. I came across your blog by divine intervention. I will be a new followerer. I don’t know you, but you seem like a phenomenal person that just needs continual support. I believe you can do WHATEVER you set your mind to do. There are no limits to what you can accomplish if you will just focus in on it and not let go until your reality becomes that goal. These hurtful people seem to be people that are full of hurt, maybe jealousy. We give out what we load up on. If we are full of hurt, we have no choice but to hurt because that is what we have inside. But people that are full of love, encouragement and positive spirits are who you should allow into your inner circle. Everyone else either gets ejected or moved to the outer gates. Only fans allowed in this arena. You are destined for greatness! You can most definitely win triumphantly! I am rooting for you. You titled this perfectly…free2beme…now go be the best you this world has ever seen! Your best victories are yet to be…

    Reply

    • free2bme123
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 09:06:55

      Thank you for your comments, your words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. I really needed to hear that especially today, so thanks again. I will be reading it again and again just to remind myself. Enjoy your day!

      Reply

  3. Indi
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 03:15:12

    Oh you can visit my inspirational blog at http://www.mynookandpickles.wordpress.com or at http://www.facebook.com/2B.ReFRESHed or Twitter @ndonpurpose. But that’s not why I stopped through. I want to be an encouragement to you. Bliss and Blessings!

    Reply

  4. Krystle Lane
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 04:00:09

    Hey there,
    I know how you feel. I have been there and back again.
    I was losing weight really fast because I started eating healthier food and I cut out all JUNK and of course restricted my carb and fat intake.
    Then the very PEOPLE who kept telling me I was FAT and that I needed to lose weight suddenly said that I shouldn’t be dieting or trying to lose weight.
    I was like

    WTF?!?!??

    They’d always eat out, eat junk, eat all the stuff I LOVED to eat.
    But I eventually learned how to say no and slap it in their faces that I am in charge of my body and what happens to it. And I will not let them fill it up with useless junk and crap.

    They can be fat if they want to, but I’m not going after the FAT family tradition.

    I lose a whopping 20lbs, then gained a little over half of it back when Interior design school started. It sucked and it was even more difficult to get back on track but I’m still here and still keeping my eyes on the prize.

    All I can say is that, let them say what they want to say but ultimately it is your life. They cannot live it for you. Its yours and yours alone. Its up to you what you want to do with it. Same thing goes to your body. They can give advice, but they are just advice they cannot force you to do anything.

    So keep your head up high
    Stay strong
    I know you can do this!

    cheers!
    Lara Krystle Lane
    http://thinspirationaljourney.wordpress.com

    Reply

    • free2bme123
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 09:00:09

      Thank you soooo much, I am glad to hear that I am not alone. I was beginning to think I was doing or saying something wrong. You are absolutely right. I have to start thinking that way. You seem to know exactly where you are going and good for you for not letting them take that away from you. Keeping your eye on the prize is definitely worth doing. Thanks again and good luck with your journey and please visit again!

      Reply

  5. Aimee
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 13:54:41

    I let out an internal scream when I read this. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Your weight loss accomplishments are absolutely worth it not only to yourself but your family as well. You are doing the hard work to become a healthier person. You should be exceptionally proud of your dedication and commitment. Weight loss is difficult, challenging and frustrating for so many of us. You are succeeding and instead of being complimented and praised you are being put down by people who are supposed to care about you. UNACCEPTABLE! You are worth every ounce of hard work and energy you put into your journey and then some. Please do not give up. Your journey is inspiring and honest. Don’t give up and do not feel badly for being kind to yourself and doing what’s best for you. Big hugs πŸ™‚

    Reply

    • free2bme123
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 13:58:00

      Thank you, your support means a lot. I am lucky that i have my husband and children who are always there for me when all others don’t seem to be. Thanks for being there as well πŸ™‚

      Reply

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