Finally lost the 4 pounds I gained last weekend. Its like a yo, yo. I am good all day, the evenings when I actually have time to relax I eat, not because I am hungry, but because I can and I do :(For some reason I associate relaxing with eating, not good at all. Good thing I don’t have more relaxing time or that could turn into a nightmare.

I have to admit I have made some,no, a lot better choices and  Iam exercising more, so I should be proud about that. I just get so frustrated with myself. I just want to shake me! I thought I had this all down pat. I know what I need to do, and it works, so why can’t I just do it and continue to do it? I find myself bingeing, which I really never did before. Gaining it, losing it . . . Why do I start only to give up as soon as I see something is working? Am I setting myself up to fail on purpose? If I want it so bad, and I know how to achieve it what am I so afraid of?

Maybe I am afraid of losing who I am? You see so many people I know who have lost weight become different people . . . what if that happens to me and I end up skinny and alone. That would be worse for me than being heavy. What if my husband liked me better heavier, that would hurt. What if I do all this work and my body is smooshy and ugly? Or what if I lose it to only gain it all back again? This is insane! I need to think about one thing at a time and deal with things as they come. Who knew losing weight could be so terrifying and complicated. Who am I kidding . . . I did!!!

Deep down inside I know that the people who truly care about me will always be there for me – smooshy or not. Maybe these are just excuses as well. Tooooo complicated. ARRRR!!! Let’s stick to exercising and eating healthy for now. I do have to say that I do feel better and am looking a little more toned, so my efforts aren’t going unnoticed and I guess if you really think about it, that is all that matters, how you feel . . .

As it says in the Simple Abundance . . . “Today we make peace with the past: with the bodies and faces we were born with and those that have evolved. Today, we embrace the lines that stare back at us, the parts that sag in the middle or stick out where they shouldn’t, the hair that never keeps a curl or never loses it.” “It will take a bit of doing, learning to love all our personal pilgrimage places. However, before genuine love can flourish, we must finally accept ourselves exactly as we are today. Not tomorrow or next week or when we lose twenty-five pounds. Remember, acceptance is acknowledging the reality of a situation: that we’re heavier than we’d like to be, for example, or that our complexion is ruddy or sallow, or that we’ve got gray streaks, or that leggings just don’t work for us. Most of us think of other women as beauties, never ourselves. But every women was created by Spirit to be genuine beauty. We learn how to reveal to the world our unique radiance only after we acknowledge it ourselves.” “ I am what I am and what I am is wonderful.”

This hits so close to home, this is why I love this book!!! Really makes you think!!!


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